If a mom tries to go for a run

nods of fan appreciation and apologies to Laura Numeroff

*based on a true story

If a mommy plans an early run, she will set her alarm. But then she will wake up ready to go an hour before the alarm rings.

When she realizes it’s an hour early, she will fight her way back to sleep until the alarm really goes off and she’s too tired to get out of bed.

When she does get out of bed, she will have to listen to the cat meowing at her while in the bathroom.

When she looks up at the cat, she will realize the cat is actually meowing at a cockroach.

When the cockroach gets spooked (because of course it will), it will run straight to the pile of running clothes the mommy has collected on the bathroom floor.

When the mommy sees the scurrying insect, she will jump off the toilet swinging and screaming at the cat and the roach.

When the cockroach sees the looming shadow, it will dart for the shower so the mommy will worry about it later when she showers.

When the mommy goes through the pile of running clothes, she will pick out the least stinky clothes and get dressed.

When she grabs her shoes, she will head to the kitchen where she will realize she has no socks.

When she goes back in the bedroom, she will apologize to the daddy as she puts on the lights to find running socks (which can not be determined by feeling around the drawer).

When she gets her socks and shoes on, she looks for her iPhone with running app and the case for the iPhone.

When she can’t find the case (and vows to clean off the surfaces in the kitchen later today), she will go back to the bedroom, apologize again and turn on the light again.

When she still can’t find it, she will go to the bathroom and NOT apologize to the cockroach as she turns on that light.

When she finds the case, she will go back to the kitchen to realize she needs some water bottles.

When she fills up two containers of Gatorade, she will realize she forgot her gel shot.

When she grabs the gel shot, she vows again to clean up the kitchen today.

When she goes to her car, she will open it to find the faint smell of yuck from all the rain the day before.

When the smell overwhelms her, she will go back inside to find the Febreeze.

When she can’t find the Febreeze immediately, she vows to clean the laundry room after she cleans the kitchen.

When she finally finds the Febreeze, she will spray up the car.

When she gets into the car, she will choke from all the fumes.

When she finally stops choking, she will get to the meeting place and run three sweaty miles with her friend.

When she gets home, she eats breakfast, writes in her blog, and ….

then she remembers she’s suppose to clean the kitchen, the bathroom, and the laundry room.

Anyone up for another run instead?


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